she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
