plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
