so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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