I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
