perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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