Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
