At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
