At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
