I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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