another moral hangover. fuck.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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