i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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