A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
