Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
