I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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