Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
