You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
