You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
