Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
