I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
