i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
