i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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