I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
