someone threw a dead crab at me
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
