When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
