No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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