do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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