I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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