I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Still dying that you shit outside
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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