i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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