It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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