When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
