Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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