Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
