I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You ate ashes out of my bong
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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