White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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