does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
