Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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