he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
