Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
