Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize