I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize