At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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