He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
