but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
