True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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