If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize