Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
