we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
They left me at home... I'm a liability
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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