So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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