It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
