I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
A bitchslap is in order.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
