Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
he just fucked me for my cheese.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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