I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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