Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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