I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
