It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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