I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
