you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
