my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
