there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
