So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I believe in your delicious
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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