that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
