I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I stole a fireplace last night.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
