I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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