I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
