well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize