So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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