I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
