People in love make me want to vomit
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
