I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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