I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
