oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
