That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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