So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize